51.
"Xander, have you seen Willow?"
"No, I thought she was with you. Or with Spike, since the two of them got all Dynamic Duo on us."
"I'm actually hoping she's with Spike. Unless he's had a dose of Faith and goes nuts…"
"What? Oh my God…"
"Yeah. I'm very ready to believe those two will do a jig together, if we don't go out there and cut the music."
"Buffy, I'm there. Let me just get my stuff."
"I want to call Riley."
"There's no time!"
"Xander! He's back-up, we need him!"
"Why, to get all Commando-guy on Spike? No! Look, Buffy, this is gonna sound really lame and laughable, but I don't particularly crave seeing Spike killed."
"What is it with you and Willow all of a sudden?! He killed people! He's psychotic!"
"He's also part of the team now. And I'm not gonna let him down."
"You're gonna end up letting us all down, if you don't get it into your thick skull that Spike's a menace to society."
"Look, we'll discuss this later. I'm gonna go look for Willow."
"Hey! I'm coming with!"

52.
"They're all wrong…"
"Yes, they are. They're like a long way off base…I mean, me and the bad-ass Slayer? Me and any sort of Slayer? What is this, a crappy episode of Monty Pithon?!"
"You should've seen her! She's so ready to assume the worst! I've never seen her cut anyone so little slack…"
"What do you expect? She's actually the only one being coherent! We're mortal enemies, no metal thingy's gonna change that."
"Spike, what The Initiative did to you changes everything. Everything! Buffy doesn't realize it yet, but I do. And Xander does too."
"Red…listen to yourself. You're talking about me as if you understood. You don't…love."
"I do! You can't kill people! You can't harm anyone, except demons…"
"I also can't live like this forever."
"Oh God…"
"This was like one of those surreal twists of fate. You."
"Spike, don't-"
"I miss my old life. I miss being in on things, I miss the thrill! I can't cope with being sterilized, being bloody *impotent*! It's just not *me*!"
"If you get your implant off, Buffy's gonna have to go after you."
"I know that, Red. I knew it from the start. But it's not gonna stop me from doing everything I can to get back on my feet."
"If she goes after you, you'll die."
"Yeah right! The Slayer has trouble keeping up with the bloody minions…like she's really gonna get me!"
"Spike…don't laugh."
"Red…don't get all tragic on me. Come here…"
"…"
"OK, make me laugh again."
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"I don't know. Why?"
"Cause Demon-girl was waiting on the other side!"
"Aw, Spike…"

53.
"Willow!"
"Yeah…I'm back from danger-zone. And oh *look*, I'm intact! The big, bad Wolf didn't get me!"
"Willow…"
"Oh come on, Buffy! Admit it. You were dead wrong!"
"OK…semi-dead-wrong."
"Spike's still batting on our side. At least for now."
"You saw him?"
"Hell yeah! That was the whole purpose of my little excursion."
"Okay, okay…"
"He went out to buy cigarettes."
"Oh."
"And he did bump into Faith. And they did have a conversation. And then he left."
"Why? Too much chemistry?"
"Cause he hated her guts. And since he couldn't fight her, he threw a trash can at her."
"And she went after him."
"Yeah, but not fast enough."
"Looks like someone's doing the scream-and-run routine too!"
"He didn't scream…he just ran. Now lay off."
"Fine…you're getting more and more Mrs Spike everyday."
"Buffy! If you're not careful, I'm the one who's gonna kick your ass very soon."
"Will!"
"No, don't *Will* me! I'm sick of this whole I-Hate-Spike show! He wouldn't be half as annoying if you'd give him a chance to be something else. He's cooped up either here or at Xander's all day long, he has nothing to do, cause he can't *do* anything, and giving him that PlayStation was the most inspired thing I ever did!"
"You have a good heart, Will…I used to be like that, too."
"What the hell happened, Buffy…?"
"Spike happened, Angelus happened, Dru happened. And now Faith."

54.
"Willow!"
"Yes, Xander, I'm alive."
"Did you find Spike?"
"Yes, as undead as ever."
"I'm glad."
"What?"
"I'm OK with that. With Spike, I mean."
"Really…?"
"Yeah. He's exasperating, he can be the craziest son-of-a-bitch I've ever laid eyes on, but I dig him."
"Xander, that's…great."
"Besides, he ows me money."
"For the wash-machine?"
"Hell yeah! My Mom bugged me day in, day out till I got it fixed, but it cost me a helluva lot of cash and now it's payback time."
"You do know he's gonna borrow it off Giles, don't you?"
"Yeah…still, Giles owes me money too."
"What? Why?"
"He spotted this magazine on birds that he'd been wanting to buy for ages and ages…"
"And you lent him the money for it?"
"I lent him the money I don't have for it!"
"Let me lend you some."
"Will, we've been through this. Remember…oil?"
"Yes, but you're an upstart. Upstarts need capital to invest."
"You wanna buy shares?"
"Yes, if you'll let me."
"Fine. Five bucks. That's all."
"Here."
"Thanks…don't tell Buffy."
"I won't…"

55.
"Red…what's taking you so long?"
"I'll be right there, Spike, hold your horses!"
"My stomach has a hole in it the size of a crater…!"
"Don't whine, it's unbecoming."
"Red….come out, come out, wherever you are…"
"Don't sing-song me, you devil!"
"What do you have in your little basket, Little Red Riding Hood?"
"Hm…let me see. Holy water, a stake, no, two stakes!, rat-poison and oh, here, some blood!"
"Oh Red…you spoil me, you do."
"I know…I'm the queen of spoilage."
"What are you having?"
"Coke. Whatelse? I like things dark and sweet."
"Like me."
"Sort of."
"I like things ginger and sharp."
"Ginger?!"
"Yeah. Hey! The pillow looked very nice on the couch, don't spoil Giles'ensemble!"
"Who's the ginger now, Mr Vampire?!"
"Hm…you, last time I checked."
"Grrr…."
"Don't fume, it's bad for your health."

56.
"He's gonna do an Oz on her."
"An Oz?"
"Yeah. Major heart-breakage."
"How do you know that?"
"How don't *you*?!!! I mean…I'm really sick of leading the blind here. What do I have to do? Write it on my forehead? "Don't get attached to Spike, he's mean!"?!"
"How about giving him a break?"
"Xander!"
"No, Buffy-and this is me being incredibly naïve-Will's a big girl. She can take care of herself…and Spike, if need be."
"She's already taking care of him. They're all over each other."
"So? Let them. Look, Buffy, Will's been looking a lot happier ever since Spike came to stay. So pardon me if I'd like her to stay that way permanently."
"And this is Mr I-Hate-Angel-He's-A-Vampire talking! I can't believe you!"
"Well, for starters, Spike doesn't have a soul he can lose at the blink of an eye. Second, he didn't break Jenny's neck. Third, he's good at Manic Skater III. And now SpaceCritters, since Will got it for him."
"Xander, I'm about to get really pissed off here."
"Fine, go ahead! You've been biting everyone's head off for the past week, so whatelse is new?"
"I guess Giles's the only one who gets it around here."
"Guess again."
"What?"
"He likes Spike. He bitches and whimpers, but Spike makes him laugh. So…"
"I'm alone on this one."
"Yep. I'm sorry, Buf, but I guess you are. If we bite it later on, you can always point out our stupidity and laugh your head off."
"I would never do that."
"I know, that was an asshole thing to say. I'm sorry."
"Let's just go…"

57.
"B.! I was just thinking about the good old days! Me in the hospital with no flowers, you and Vamp-boy alive and kicking, me kicking your ass at a later date..."
"Yeah well, Faith, that later date just got postponed, so why don't we get punchy?"
"You're so primal, B., I always loved that about you."
"You're such a bitch, Faith...I always forgot to love that about you."
"So how's Angelic? Has he grown wings?"
"Shut the hell up!"
"What, he ditched you, didn't he? Just like every other guy you ever dated."
"Hey, I don't see you running down the aisle either, so think twice before you open your mouth!"
"I'm saving myself. For you."
"Save your sorry ass for someone who cares, OK?"
"B., B., B...., why won't you ever learn?"
"Learn what?!"
"That you're me. And I'm you."
"What the hell are you talking about?!"
"To thine own self be true."
"Faith! You'd better quit riddling and start making sense real fast!"
"Look at yourself! You're a bomb waiting to go off! You're surrounded by idiots who never get it right and now, and this is my favourite part, yet *another* vampire just waiting for the perfect moment to sink his fangs into you and chew! What are you doing, girl friend?!"
"Yawning."
"Not that I blame you, by the way. Spike's a fanged hottie."
"Yeah, I'm sure you and him had a swell time getting strategic."
"No such luck. He's...too much of a softie."
"He blew you off?! Yeah, tell me another one, Faith..."
"Man, you really do like playing the role of the dumbass cheerleader, don't you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"His royal Spikiness. I had a lot of fun messing with his head for a while..."
"I bet you did..."
"But then, lo and behold!, he got all moral on me! I could have choked with laughter!"
"Too bad you didn't."
"He hit the roof when I mentioned Willow. What's up with that?"
"You shouldn't have mentioned Will. That's what's up."
"OH NO! Don't tell me! God...it's almost *too* precious! He's fallen for Miss Willow in Wonderland, hasn't he? Christ, that's just sooooooo....sad! Hahahahahahahahahaha!"
"At least we agree on that one..."
"Spike and Willow? An immortal love story?! Who the hell wrote this script?!!!"
"I don't know, but he should win a few prizes for boring people to death."
"You know...B. I sense a little green-eyed jealousy rearing its charming head."
"What, of Willow? Oh give me a break, Faith! The coma tampered with your circuits, apparently..."
"I mean, it's totally OK. Spike's a yummy piece of white chocolate and Will...well, she couldn't hold on to a cripple, if she tried. But you..."
"I have smashingly better things to do with my time, OK? This is one social occasion I'm quite willing to disrupt, so move your ass and start kicking!!!"
"Well, I was enjoying the foreplay...but you're not keen on romance, it seems."

(...)

"You're rusty, Faith. I mean, that swipe and kick routine is wearing real thin..."
"Oh yeah? I mean, you should really take a look at your hair, B., that would make for a great reality-check. Your kick-ass skills are sooooo last millenium!"
"That's why I'm updating them, remember?"
"Why, didn't Spikey supply you with a few occasions for major maiming?"
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"So why don't you enlighten me?"
"Yeah right, Faith. Keep trying!"
"He can't *fight*...that's it, isn't it? Blondie Bear can't fight to save his unlife! What's wrong with him? Another ravishing curse, like the one *Angel* had so much fun with?!"
"STOP TALKING ABOUT ANGEL!!!"
"OR WHAT?!!! YOU'LL PUT ME IN A COMA???? HUH?!!!"
"Faith...I'm getting really run-down by your chatterbox routine. Let's just crush each other and get this over with."
"Ooooooohhhh, so I guess the black-clad hunk of a night thing's still haunting your dreams..."
"FAITH!"

(...)

"Hm...not bad. I'm actually bleeding, which always shows improvement."
"Thanks. That throw-and-roll thing was pretty impressive as well."
"So...where were we? Ah....yes, your ancient flame. Spike's way cuter, or haven't you been paying attention? Oh but I guess you have! Your eyes turned greener when I mentioned him."
"Optical illusion. In your case, delusion."
"Admit it! You wanna snatch the rug from under your best friend's feet, cause she got first prize in the man-hunting competition!"
"Your imaginative talents are really wasted on me, Faith."
"And the funniest part is, he actually cares about her!!! That's so hilarious! You should've seen his face when I said her name, he could've broken bones with it! Well, he did try to break mine, but this weird mojo happened and he got headachey. Ouch! And then threw something at me. Lame. And then did the vanishing act. Lamer still."
"Yeah, men have a tendency to do the vanishing act with you..."
"Only when I'm through with them. Which happens real quick. Except maybe in bleached honey's case...I might actually wanna get used to him."
"You do that and it's the last thing you'll be getting used to, bitch."
"Now, now...no insults, B. Not such lukewarm ones, anyway."
"Stay away from Spike!"
"Ooooohhh, catty! Meow!!!"

(...)

"That's it! I'm through with this! You're not getting injured and I'm just wasting my time!"
"Awwww, B., don't be a quitter!"
"Bye-bye, Faith, call me when you're miles away."
"Oh baby, I'm here to stay...or haven't you heard? Sunnydale's welcoming me with open arms...I even got an invitation from the Mayor! Guess what, B., I'm *official*!"
"What?"
"Yeah, B., sugar-daddy's dying to see me!"
"Oh God..."
"What, jealous again? Man, B., you really gotta control those negative feelings. I'm feeling real bad vibes oozing from you...So long, Little Miss Goody-Two-Shoes, be seein' you!"
"God..."

58.
"Oh lookie here, if it ain't my favourite boy-toy. Hm...second-favourite, as of this morning."
"Faith...!"
"Xander, give us a hug..."
"Get away from me!"
"Now, now...you're not making this very safe on yourself."
"What the hell do you want, Faith? One trip to the Veggie-patch wasn't enough for ya?"
"Careful, Xandie...You don't wanna see me erupt."
"I don't wanna see you, full stop. What are you doing here?!"
"Visiting old enemies. Making new acquaintances, getting updated on the gossip..."
"Catching up with the Mayor?"
"That too. He bought me a dress! I'm his wicked princess..."
"You're sick."

(...)

"Say that again!"
"I can't, too busy spitting out blood."
"Oh, did I hurt you...? I'm sooooo...not sorry."
"Come on, Faith, kick my ass! The sexual tension's killing me!"
"Oh you feel it too? Must be something in the air...by the way, how's Willow?"
"Safe."
"Not for long. I'm dying to see what she's done with her hair."
"Stay away from her!"
"No...not while she's got Fang-boy on a leash."
"Spike?!!"
"Yeah, the one and only. I got some free eye-candy for breakfast this morning."
"He's not into psychos anymore. Finally moved on to sanity."
"Really? Funny, it didn't strike me that way. He looked mighty glad to see me."
"What?!"
"Yeah, Xandie, we got all chummy before you could say "Buffy's-Shredded-Wheat"..."
"I don't believe you..."
"What did you expect? Bad seeds fall together."

(...)

"That really wasn't smart, Xand."
"No...ahhh."
"Sorry I messed up your sweater, by the way. If you're nice to me, I'll get you a new one."
"Keep dreaming..."
"No, I've done enough dreaming to last me a lifetime. It's time to reshape some reality!"
"Before you begin your enterprise, you might wanna consider the fact that when Buffy finds you, you'll be wishing you were back on that hospital bed!"
"Guess again! Ha! Me and Buffy had a hot date by the old warehouse and-surprise, surprise!-I kicked her ass! She went home to lick her wounds."
"If at first you don't succeed..."
"Try again, cause I'm up for it!"

(...)

"Had enough?!"
"Ahhhh..."
"Come on, baby, don't do this to yourself...We had something beautiful, don't spoil it."
"We never had anything!"
"No? I can still remember you in my bed, looking real glad you came to see me."
"That was..."
"Horniness? Sex? Yeah, duh! But I had you there for a while..."
"I was..."
"You were needy. And I provided."

(...)

"Xander!"
"Anya..."
"Who's this? I don't think we've met..."
"Anya, get away from her!"
"Xander, what happened?! Oh God...you're Faith!"
"I am? *Oh* *my* *God*... that changes everything!"
"Xander, did you really--?"
"Yes. I'm so--"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know...it didn't mean anything..."
"Come on, Xandie, don't lie to the pre-historic demon. It meant the world and you know it. I gave you what nobody else was willing to give, you took it and thanked me for it. And if I as much as snap my fingers, we'll be at it again in no time!"
"Oh God..."
"Anya..."
"HE'S MY BOYFRIEND, SO HANDS OFF, YOU COCKY BITCH! GET YOUR OWN!!!"

(...)

"WOW! That was actually better than my rendez-vous with the Buffster! Anya, how did I miss *you* the first time?!"
"Too bad you did. You'd be singing with the angels if I'd been there before."
"Hm...I doubt it. Your technique's alright, but a little dawn-of-timish for me."

(...)

"SAY THAT AGAIN!"
"With pleasure. You're archaic, honey! Face it!"
"And you're nothing but a slut. A rather pathetic one, at that."

(...)

"Hell yeah, I am a slut and proud of it! I've got nothing to hide!"
"Except your loser streak. I could smell it before I even met you."
"Oh man, you've really lost it...me, a loser? Ha! Talk to Buffy, ask her, and she'll let you in on our little secret...hell, I'll let you in on it myself! *I* AM THE SLAYER! Buffy's nothing but a semi-dazed clone of me. I can kick ass like she never will! And the sooner you all realize that, the less dead you'll all be."
"When did you get this good at lying to yourself?"
"Just wait and see...and then we'll talk. Sorry, gotta run. Can't stick around till you get a life of your own..."
"Yeah beat it! You're making me sleepy!"
(...)

""You're making me sleepy."?"
"She's...difficult."
"You can say that again. I think some of my ribs--"
"Are broken. Poor baby..."
"Anya, before we pay a visit to the ER, I wanna--"
"I know, hon. It's OK..."
"I love you."
"Really?"
"Yes. Very really."
"I love you too. As far as my demonic trait allows me to."
"That's good enough for me."
"..."
"I feel cured already."
"Up we go!"
"Ahhhhhhhh!!!"
"Sorry..."

59.
"Red, you're not going back alone and that's that!"
"Spike, I've been going that way for weeks now. I'll be OK!"
"This Faith chick..."
"I know her. She's after Buffy."
"Still, she didn't seem averse to some mangling interludes with you and Xapper."
"We go back a long way...she's deranged."
"You think? Pet, she's nuts! Not as nutty as Dru in the good old days, but striving to get there."
"She's been nothing but trouble ever since we met. She's...wayward. In the beginning, I felt sorry for her. Then Xander managed to use her as a tool in breaking my heart and--"
"What happened? What did the moron do?"
"He slept with her."
"He slept with a Slayer?!!! EWWWWW..."
"Yeah...at the time, I was less disgusted and rather more heartbroken than that."
"I understand the disgusted part, but--"
"I was in love with him."
"Oh Red..."
"Yeah."
"Is that scientifically possible?"
"Spike...I'm trying to keep a straight face here!"
"And you're succeeding. More or less."
"Anyway...I gotta go."
"I'm repeating myself and I hate doing that, but I'm coming with you."
"Fine...come on, then."
"Let me get the duster."
"Hurry up..."

60.
"Isn't this a beautiful night? The moon's blood-red, the wind whispers of death...and I'm in Sunnydale!"
"Oh God, it's Faith!"
"I think we'd better make a dash for it, pet. Much as I want to, I can't fight her!"
"Let's go!!!"

(...)

"SPIKE!"
"Oh too bad...I think I hurt your pussy-cat."
"YOU...*FUCKING* BITCH!!!!"
"WILLOW! I've never heard you be this foul-mouthed before. I'm impressed."
"GET AWAY FROM HIM!"
"Why? Afraid I'll give him a happy?"
"Faith...what do you want?"
"Good question. Money. Happiness. Success. RESPECT!"
"You're gonna have to work hard for those things. Oh and by the way, respect's something you'll never get from us. Just thought I'd warn you, as a friend."
"That's real nice of you. But warnings wear thin."
"Too bad. Here's another one: run like the wind before Buffy catches you and re-arranges your bone structure."
"Why is it that when you're at a loss for words, you always hide in Buffy's mini-skirts?"
"What?..."
"You and Xander. You can't fight to save your sorry ass so you hide behind Buffy. That's the lamest tactic I've ever had the displeasure of witnessing."
"News-flash! You're a Slayer! Second newsflash! You've got super-strength! Third newsflash! Buffy rules!"
"Buffy rules? Now you sound like a sissy-assed Sunnydale cheerleader...Will, you could do so much better."
"What, be like you? No, thanks."
"No, not be like me. Be with me…"
"What the hell--"
"..."
"Oh God...BUFFY! HELP!!! HELP--MMMM!!!"
"Shhh...you'll wake up Peroxide Head."
"..."
"NO! Don't!!!"
"Come on, Will. You want this..."
"Faith, this is rape. I hope you realize that..."
"Duh!"
"..."
"Ahhhh....argh..."
"Hm...you taste nice. What's with the lipstick? Oh well, I guess I'll just have to do the talking. I am having way too much fun here in Sunnydale! Being back with the gang just makes me feel more alive than ever...and you smell real nice and all. You know, Will. I can't get enough of you and the Buffster. Two such sweet girls...with nice clothes, nice hair, nice boyfriends...Oh yeah, didn't I tell you? I caught a glimpse of Buffy's latest beau. Riley. Cute name. There's something really tender and really amiss about him. I gotta figure that one out. Oh Will, you're making me horny, hon! Just kiss me and stop being a dope."
"Faith...don't do this."
"I've already done it. I'm through. Congratulations, you've just had the honour of being my fuck-toy for ten minutes. Thanks, Wills, that was charming!"

(...)

"Hey! Let's not get Buffyish here!"
"You're gonna regret you ever laid eyes on me."

(...)

"You're a Wicca!!!"
"Wow, you're smarter than you look!"
"That kinda hurt, Will. I think I'm gonna have to get you for this."
"Try it, you slut!"

(...)

"OW..."
"Oooops, I'm real sorry, Faith, I didn't mean to bash your head against that tree..."
"THAT'S IT, YOU'RE GOING DOWN!"
"Not fast enough."

(...)

"OK, TRUCE!!!"
"Not, not OK! You mention a word of this to Buffy, you get anywhere near Spike again, you touch a hair on Xander's head, and I'll do a little conjuring of my own and you're in hell. Literally."
"Ouch, sounds nasty. Still, thanks for the tumble. That was sweet."

(...)

"Spike..."
"Red...what happened? You're bleeding..."
"Go ahead. Lick it off. I don't mind."
"No..."
"Spike, it's OK. It doesn't hurt."

(...)

"What did that bitch do to you? And to me, for that matter?"
"She hit you. And then she...attacked me."
"What do you mean, attacked...Why are you crying…?"
"Oh God..."
"Willow!"
"She raped me."
"WHAT?!"
"She, uh..."
"Nevermind. Don't tell me..."
"Don't tell anyone."
"I won't, love. Rest assured."
"Spike..."
"..."

(...)

"It's OK...it's over. Buffy's gonna have her ass anyway."
"I'm not so sure...she's powerful...she can do anything."
"Not everything. She can't handle the Slayer."
"She is a Slayer, Spike."
"Yeah, but not *the* Slayer."
"I never thought I'd hear you say that."
"Yeah, miracles do happen. Red, you're still bleeding. Let's get you home."
"I'm alright..."
"Yeah, sure..."
"I cast a spell on her..."
"Honest?"
"Yeah...I bashed her against that tree over there."
"Red! You brave little spitfire!"
"And then I bashed her again...and again."
"BLOODY HELL! I WISH I'D SEEN IT! FUCK THE BITCH, why did she have to knock me out????"
"Cause she's bad-ass..."
"Not as bad-ass as you, pet. Come on, home awaits."

61.
"Oh God, Willow! What happened?!"
"Faith."
"You went out by yourself?!"
"No, with Spike."
"SPIKE CAN'T FIGHT!"
"Slayer, one more of those and I'll throw this bottle at you."
"Spike, you let her go out with you just like that?"
"Just like that. We thought you had taken care of Faith, the bitchy would-be Slayer, but apparently you've made it too comfy for her. She bashed my head in and then had a go at your best friend."
"I thought she just wanted me. Not Willow..."
"Yeah, well, you are less than brilliant."
"Shut up! I'm trying to put reality back into place!"
"Hm...took you a while to try and do that. A little late, don't you think?!"
"Spike! Buffy! QUIT IT! My head's about to split into two and I can't handle this right now!!!"
"Sorry…"
"Sorry…"
"Buffy, how's your forehead?"
"OK…not too bad."
"So you *did* have a one-on-one with your twin…Slayer?"
"Yeah. Surprise, surprise, Spike, I actually tried to do my job."
"And failed miserably."
"Look, why don't *you* try to fight her and then we'll talk, OK?!"
"Get the implant out of me and I will."
"Don't look at me, the implant stays exactly where it is."
"Coward."
"Jerk."
"GUYS!"

62.
"Hey Will…"
"Xander...oh God, let me guess...Faith."
"Her usual passive-aggressive self. Only without the passive side."
"Did she-"
"Bash my ribs in? Hell yeah. Knock me on the head? Jawohl! Remind me of things I'd rather forget? Yes, sir!"
"She did that with Buffy too…"
"Yeah, she does have a thing for trips down memory lane…"
"How did you get away?"
"I didn't. Anya kicked her ass."
"Way to go, Xapper. The girlfriend does all the work…very handy."
"Put a sock in it. Faith's more than anyone can handle. By the way, what happened to you?"
"I am sick of the bitch's name, so I won't say it."
"Oh F-"
"Xapper! Have a beer…"
"Thanks…"
"Where's Anya?"
"She went home. Said she had a lot to think about."
"Uh-oh. Xapper, if I were you, I'd get my sorry ass over there and stop her before she puts her thinking cap on. Take it from someone who barely didn't survive Harmony."
"No…it's not that. I kinda told her I loved her."
"Xander! You *did*? That's…."
"Scary."
"Thank you, Spike. Always willing to be supportive…"
"Yeah, I'm good at that…"
"Xander, I think it's great. I like Anya…it took me a while, but I'm finally there."
"Thanks, Will."
"Awwww, what a nice Kodak moment. Now all we need is the Slayer to come and spoil it."
"I heard that."
"YES!"
"Spike…get your butt off the couch and let me sit down."
"Slayer, no bloody way."
"Spike, move over here. Buffy's tired."
"OK, Red."
"Thank you, Spike. I'm glad to see Will's teaching you some manners."
"Not bloody likely…"
"Come here…"
"Aw…Red."
"…"
"Willow! Did Faith's shabby antics really do *that* much damage?!"
"No…Buffy, let's not talk about Faith, okay…?"
"Yeah, Slayer. Change the record. As of right now."
"Will, why-"
"Slayer!"
"What, Spike?!"
"Have a beer…"
"I'm under 21."
"So what?"
"I can't drink, you moron!"
"You know, for a Slayer, you're really lacking in the guts department."
"And you're about to have your innards gutted out if you don't shut up!"
"And you're also very temperamental. Such worthless, cheap emotions…"
"Spike! You're going too far. Quit it."
"Only if you kiss me."
"…"
"YUK! This has to be the worst day of my life!"

63.
"Xander…do you still love me?"
"Yeah, hon. More and more."
"Are you sure?"
"Anya, what's with the major anxiety attack?"
"You don't think I'm archaic? Cause I can innovate, if you want me to! I can do anything you like…chains, handcuffs, whips! There's this great store on-"
"Anya…honey, I think I'm still sore from the whole Faith hazzard."
"Oh. It was just a thought."
"A nice one. Now come here."
"Xander…"
"…"
"Oooohhh, you're feeling better!"
"Huh?"
"I can sense your moods from the way you kiss. And this mood is certainly worth hanging on to…for later."
"Why do I have alarm bells going off in my head?"
"Cause you know you're in for a treat!"
"…"
"This is my kinda treat. I don't need anything else."
"You haven't felt anything yet…"

64.
"Pet, are you alright?"
"Yes…"
"You're so quiet…you're not chirping enough."
"Spike…I'm trying to figure out how to handle what Faith did…"
"Let me give you a hand."
"…"
"How's that?"
"Much better. But-"
"…"
"And now?"
"I-"
"Need to talk about it?"
"Yes."
"Fine. Let's hear it."
"I feel dirty."
"Why's that?"
"She put her f-f-f-"
"Fingers inside you?"
"Yes…"
"That's cause she's a slut. The worst one of all. And you have nothing to feel bad about, she's the one who did the deed. She should be chopped up into tiny little pieces and fed to the bears at the zoo."
"I can't get it out of my head…"
"Look at me, pet…"
"Yeah…?"
"Do you see any reproach on my face?"
"No…"
"Any hostility, any disgust?"
"No."
"Any sign that says I'm not completely nuts over you?"
"No…love."
"…"
"Spike…you should've been a doctor."
"I should've been many things. Except what I am now."
"Please don't say that…"
"Sorry…"
"…"

65.
"Spike, I brought you something."
"Xapper, this is smashing!"
"I know. I'm too good to you."
"Well, duh. Still, you're growing on me."
"Should I run for help?"
"Not yet. Sit down."
"Thanks. Whatcha doin'?"
"Watching the telly. Red left two minutes ago and now I'm bored stiff."
"Good thing I came then. Giles's family heirlooms are safe."
"Not really, but if it makes you happy to think so…"
"Wanna beer?"
"Two."
"OK. I also have some vodka…and brandy."
"Whoa! Where did you get the ammo from?"
"The bar…I'm becoming one of those employees who steals from the office and then hides it when the boss comes to dinner."
"Hehehehehe…Go Xapper."
"So, are you in?"
"Do you really need to ask?"
"I'll get the bottles."

(…)

"God… I feel sick."
"Already? Xapper, be a man!"
"Spike, I've had half a bottle of cheap brandy!"
"So? I had twice as much."
"You're a vampire, vampires dilute alcohol much better than humans!"
"Says who? Remember last year?"
"Don't remind me."
"How I was with you and Red? I was in a sorry state…"
"You can say that again…and again."
"Still, I was better off than I am now."
"Why do you keep whining about that?"
"Look at me! I can't bite, I can't drain, I can't fight, not even the bitch who raped my-"
"What?! What are you talking about?"
"Nothing."
"Spike! You were gonna say something. I want to know what it is!"
"I can't tell you."
"Please. It's about Will, isn't it? Oh God…what happened with Faith?"
"Xapper, just let sleeping dogs lie, OK?"
"NO! Will's my best friend! Either you tell me or I beat the crap outta you. Which one is it?"
"The first one, cause you've made enough of a moronic impact already."
"Shoot."
"The bad-assed Slayer messed with Red."
"What do you mean...messed...?"
"What do you think I mean?! She raped her!"
"Oh….God."
"Yeah. I was knocked down, so I couldn't do a bloody thing. And then she begged me not to tell. So thanks for making me break the first thing I've ever promised her."
"I had to know…"
"WHY? You're not gonna do a damn thing about it!"
"She's my Will--"
"No. She used to be. Now she's mine. Get used to it."
"Pass me the vodka."
"That's better. Cheers, mate."

66.
"Xander…we need to talk."
"What's up, Buf?"
"You tell me. I'm starting to think you're giving the big brush-off."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Everything. You're never around. Will's never around either. I can't talk to you two, there's always something else on your mind…"
"Buffy…I'm sorry. But it's really not that big a deal."
"That's such a guy thing to say!"
"Well…I am a guy, Buf. At least Anya seems to think so."
"Xander, don't make me smile. I am doing my best tragic impression here."
"It's working. I feel both pity and horror."
"It's not helping me."
"Spit it out, Buffy…You feel as if you've lost your two best friends."
"Yes! Thank you, Mr Freud! Finally! Somebody gets it! I thought I'd have to get one of those planes to write it on the sky…"
"Hm…that would've been really cool…"
"Xander, back on topic, please…"
"OK. You haven't lost us. We're still here. Just a little busy. But just as dependent and helpless as ever."
"That's a comfort."
"So anytime you want me to scream for help and have you save my sorry ass, just say so."
"That's great, Xander. Now hug me and be as mushy as you can, cause I need the saccharine."
"…"
"That felt nice…"
"Here, have another one."
"…"
"Thanks, Xand. That just filled my quota for the week. Now run back to Anya before she gouges out my eyes for this."
"Buffy, Anya's a sophisticated demon. She doesn't go for the whole Grrrrrr….Argggghh thing!"
"Whatever…See ya later."
"Bye."

67.
"Buffy..."
"Riley."
"We need to talk."
"Oh really? What about? Lies, lies and more lies...?"
"No. The truth."
"Whoa...I'm all astonishment."
"Buffy, please..."
"Riley...I don't know what you want me to say. I mean, I was on the twisted path to falling in love with you...and you kinda took your fist against me and smashed the whole thing to pieces. And now you wanna talk?"
"Yes...there are some things you need to know. I...made a mistake."
"I'm not impressed."
"I should've told you about what I do. But I've been keeping it under wraps for so long that telling you the truth seemed almost impossible. Daunting."
"I know the feeling...keep talking. You may actually get somewhere."
"The Initiative found me. I didn't go looking for it. I was in it up to my neck before I even realized."
"You were chosen."
"Yes! And it seemed like a good cause. I mean, vampires...they kill people."
"When they can."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing. Go on."
"We recently had a break-out from one of the cells. One of the most lethal specimens got away, I don't know how. We were looking for him everywhere but no sign. Hostile 17. That's his code name."
"Hostile 126 is more like it."
"What?"
"It's just that most vampires have more than one century's worth of torture and death on them."
"What?! You know..."
"Well, duh! Riley, this is my hometown. I've been around...I've dealt with things you don't wanna hear about! I've lived with the undead all my life...so pardon me if my chin doesn't noisily hit the floor at what you're saying."
"I'm sorry...I--"
"You were saying..."
"Hostile 17. He's dangerous. If he gets the micro-chip out..."
"OK, thanks for the warning."
"Wait! Don't go yet. There's something else I wanna say."
"Say it."
"Buffy...I have something for ya. I meant to give it to you last week, but with all the unwanted action going on..."
"Oh. Little cheddar cubes..."
"Yeah. I thought you might need the calcium."
"Thanks for thinking of my-errrm-bones."
"Buffy... please don't walk out on me."
"Riley...I can't deal with this right now."
"Please...you're the first girl I've ever been in love with. Or, at least, the first girl I've told it to."
"I'm so tired of secrets..."
"I know. So am I."
"Let's go away somewhere and get rid of all of them."
"My pleasure. The car's this way."

68.
"Well, if it isn't Miss Mutant Slut from City Hall."
"Bleachy!"
"Let's not get too familiar..."
"I was dying to see ya..."
"The sentiment is anything but mutual. But we do have some unfinished business."
"What? Your throwing a trash-can at me?"
"No, that was pretty much over and done with. Garbage belongs in a trash-can."
"Come on, Spikey...don't be like that. You're endangering your unlife here...for nothing."
"Oh don't worry about me! I'm having a blast just interviewing the winner of the "Loser-of-the-Year" award..."
"Watch it, Spike, or you're dust before you know it."
"Go ahead. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust..."
"What is it with you? Do you have a lame-assed death wish? Are you doing an Angel routine of your own?!"
"Fuck no! If I'm doing any routine, then you can bet it's a hundred per cent original."
"Really? I don't know...you seem...harmless."

(...)

"OK, not so harmless. Still, the head thing must bother ya."
"Argh!....Kinda."
"Look, Spike. Let's cut the crap. We can help each other."
"Ha! You sound like a crummy politician."
"A little bird told me someone did some chip mojo on you and now you sorta...can't get it up."
"Watch it, bitch!"
"So it is true? What a waste of perfectly good evil."
"What's it to you?"
"Hm...I have friends."
"What is this world coming to...?"
"A friend of mine can get the thing out. You help me, I help you."
"No, I've just thought of something better. I kick your ass. I kick your *ass*! Oh and then I kick it some more!"
"Lame. You *can't*, remember? HELLO! When did you get this oblivious?! Remember the old days, when you used to go round maiming mortals instead of falling in love with them? Remember beating the crap out of the Slayer? What are you, the Scoobies' new lap-dog?!!"

(...)

"Need some aspirin?"
"No...I need you out of my sight."
"So? What do you say?"
"To what? You haven't made sense ever since you opened your bloody mouth!"
"We make a bargain. You work with me. I get the chip out. You can go back on the streets and do what you do best. I get Buffy."
"Just Buffy? I heard you were interested in the satellites as well."
"Hell, why not? Throw in the minions if you want. I don't care..."
"You know...Faith. You're real...hot, when you do the callous act."
"Really...? Wanna tell me *how* hot...?"
"Yeah. Come here, Tigress..."

(...)

"SLAYER! NOW!!!"
"Hey, Faith! How about a party?!"

(...)

"That was really low, Spikey. I salute you."
"Thanks. I always wanted to be an actor."
"Whoa! Can this get any better?! The three most powerful people in Sunnydale together for a picnic! I'm on pins and needles!..."
"Yeah and I even brought desert, Faithie! How about some right now?!"

(...)

"SPIKE! THE CROW-BAR!!!"
"One little crow-bar coming up!"
"Man, you really are one sad act, Bleachy! Giving the Slayer a hand when you should be giving her hell..."
"What can I say? I evolved."
"For the worst!"
"Depends on the viewpoint."
"Well, from here it really looks mighty grim and deplorable..."
"Why don't you shut up and fight? Use your brain, woman!"
"Yeah, Faith, this is almost too easy! You're not focusing!"
"Sorry, B., my mind tends to wander off during the love-act."
"Ugh..."
"Ugh...Slayer, have another steel thingy!"
"Thanks, Spike!"
"Steel, B.,? You're innovating, I like that!"
"Yeah, I'm innovating on your ass! It needs something..."
"Yeah, a man!"
"Nah...I think it's welcomed pretty much every cock in town. Except for Spike's, of course."
"Thank you, Slayer. I appreciate that."
"Spike, a show of good taste is never lost on me."
"Oh I knew that, Slayer..."
"What is it with you two all of a sudden? Can this get any more sickening?! OK, I'll liven things up. Spikey, you do know Buffy has a crush on you the size of Mount Etna, don't you?"
"Shut up, Faith!"
"Slayer Number Two, the role of matchmaker doesn't suit you. Change your tune!"
"Aw...it's so sweet. They're too shy to admit their love..."
"Slayer, I'm out of metal..."
"Too bad, Spike, I was kinda enjoying the feel of it on Faith's back..."
"Here! I found one! Catch!"
"Hm...this one's even heavier! Well done, Spike!"
"Yeah and I think Spike here wouldn't be averse to a taste of open-legged Buffy..."
"You pervert! Well, Red kinda warned me you were sad and needy."
"Ooooh...Willow! One of my favourite topics! Thanks for bringing it up, Blondie!"
"Keep your filthy mouth shut!"
"What? You have a crush on both Willow and Buffy?! Whoa, kinky! I can just see the headlines: Gleeful Threesome Shocks Sunnydale!"
"I can see another one: Second-Rate Slayer Becomes Dog-Food After Major Plastic Surgery!"
"Hm...that's kinda overstating it."
"Nah, it's just about stating it enough."
"Anyway...Willow. She's...delicious."
"OK, Slayer, shall I take it from here?"
"Spike, I can't afford to take you to the ER tonight..."
"Fuck."
"Yeah, I kinda left my mark on her. Maybe even a little scar..."
"THAT'S IT!!! YOUR TONGUE'S COMING OFF!!!"
"SPIKE! Leave this one to me, OK? Go home or something..."
"What and leave you steelless? No way."
"I can handle this and you can't. So..."
"Slayer, I'm 126 years old. I can handle anything."
"Not where Will's concerned."
"Well, maybe not that..."
"Either help me or leave me."
"I'll stick around. Keep her talking, I won't go nuts..."
"Good. Faithie, watch the birdy!"

(...)

"God...I kinda like the taste of my own blood. Must be the vampire in me..."
"Here, have some more!"
"Ow! B., that was mean..."
"Sorry. I thought you were paying attention."
"I am now!"

(...)

"SLAYER, LOOK OUT!"
"Oh...and he's even saving her ass now. This is just too...poignant."
"SPIKE!"
"I'm OK...I'm becoming familiarized with the process of getting my ass kicked..."
"Aw...poor little Spikey...Did I maim ya a little? I kinda went for the crippling effect, but I guess I'm still recovering from my depthless 3-month sleep..."
"Yeah, Faith! I betcha liked it!"
"Actually, B., it made me think about things..."
"Must've been exhausting."
"No...refreshing. I remembered all the things I love about Sunnydale. My little fuck-toy Xander, the colour of Will's hair and how she goes all pale when she's scared witless..."
"Don't get poetic, Faith, my stomach can't handle it..."
"Sorry. Nostalgia for all the things I abused."
"Is that so? I heard that someone got more than she was bargaining for when she was messing with my girl..."
"You heard wrong."
"Really? I noticed a slight dent on one of the trees over there...the size of a head."
"OK, I own up...Willow has hidden talents."
"You can count on that one, slut, and if you as much as touch her again, she'll do such a good job on you, we'll be collecting your body parts for the next few centuries."
"Dream on, Bleach Bottle! She's still very much an apprentice and I can pretty much cast my own mojo and have her on her knees."
"I doubt you can even read, let alone cast spells..."

(...)

"OK, let's just leave this for another opportunity. I gotta a dinner with the Mayor and wanna look pretty."
"Now don't forget: whores don't kiss."

(...)

"That was cheap. But I guess the peroxide went to your head, huh?"
"Argh..."
"Make yourself scarce, Faith, three's a crowd!"
"Bye-bye, Goldilocks...keep yourself pretty for me!"

69.
"Spike, are you OK...?"
"Been better. But I'll survive."
"Need any--"
"No! Just...*leave* it."
"Okay...I was just try--"
"Look, we're not friends. OK? I helped you out to get back at the slut for what she did to Willow. That's it."
"Spike, don't be like this."
"LIKE WHAT?!!! I'm sick and tired of people assuming I've changed just cause somebody messed up my head! I'm still my old self, nothing's changed! I still hate you and anyone who gets in the way of anything *I* want! Let's get this straight once and for all: I AM GONNA GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!!! And when I do...I hope you're miles away."
"I can't believe you still feel that way. Haven't you learned *anything*?!"
"No, Slayer, nothing. And some things don't change."
"And the chip--"
"I'm gonna find someone who can do the trick. Very soon."
"Are you gonna kill Willow? Is *that* it? I mean, on your path to glorious slaughter, an innocent's bound to get killed! ISN'T IT??? ANSWER ME!!!"
"No...not her."
"NOT HER??? WHY NOT? YOU DON'T LOVE HER, YOU'RE JUST FOOLING AROUND!!!"
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"THEN TELL ME!!!"
"I am not gonna discuss Red with you."
"You're not going anywhere till I get the truth."
"Oh, what *truth*, Slayer?! What bloody truth??? I am not gonna hurt her. That's all you'll get from me."
"And Xander?!"
"He's safe. Giles too."
"So, I'm your target?"
"If you get in my way."
"I have to get in your way if you stick around here."
"I'm not sure I will."
"What about Willow?"
"If I go anywhere, she's coming with me."
"YOU'RE CRAZY!!! LISTEN TO YOURSELF!!!"
"NO, YOU LISTEN! You don't seem to know a fucking thing about me! When I love, I take. And when I take, I hold. Now, get this into your thick blonde skull! Your friend's in love with me. And I'm OK with that. So, get with the program and LAY OFF!!!"
"I will never lay off...you're nuts if you expect any different."
"I don't. Your being rational's beyond my wildest dreams."
"Thanks...I was gonna say partner, but it'd be a big, fat lie under the circumstances."
"Yeah...it would."

70.
"Spike, are you okay...?"
"Yes, love. Perfectly fine."
"You kinda don't look--"
"Pet! I am...now please--"
"I'm sorry."
"Come here. That's what I was gonna say...I missed you."
"Me too."
"You did? How much?"
"I can't describe how much...you wouldn't believe me."
"I think I would..."

(...)

"Oh, I definitely would."
"Spike, I was so worried about you..."
"I know, love. But I am more worried about you right now."
"Me...?"
"Yes. How are you holding up?"
"Oh...you mean the Faith--"
"Among other things."
"I had nightmares."
"No wonder."
"I woke up my parents last weekend…"
"What did they say?"
"Not very much. They thought I'd been dreaming about an exam or something."
"Hm..."
"They don't have a clue..."
"Apparently not. It's better this way."
"Is it...?"
"Yes, love. Trust me."
"I do..."

(...)

"What other things did you mean?"
"This. Me. And you...and the Slayer."
"Buffy...?"
"Yes. She's trying to look out for you and doing a swell job of it too."
"Not really...I'm here, aren't I?"
"Yeah. Kiss me."

(...)

"Spike, there's something I must know..."
"What is it?"
"You're gonna hate me."
"Impossible."
"When you get the implant out...will you come after me?"
"No."
"How do you know?"
"I just do. Me coming after you...ah...it's just a nutty idea."
"It is?"
"Yes. You're the only thing keeping me alive right now."
"Spike, there's so much more to live for."
"Not in my world."
"I'm afraid of the future."
"Don't be..."
"I'm afraid of what it'll do to us."

(...)

"I think I love you."
"I think you're right. And a good thing too, pet..."
"Why?"
"Cause I'm crazy about you."